When you are a military spouse and mom, are you allowed to be selfish?
What makes you the happiest?
Seems like a ridiculous statement really. To be selfish in general is known to be a flaw. So that alone should tell you to always strive to be "selfless". But there are so many articles and TV shows that tell you, " Its normal to be selfish every once in a while." "You have to do what makes you happy."
So this is where I'm torn. I'm a stay-at-home-mom and did it for 3 years. I recently got a taste of the work world again, and instantly I was hooked. I loved the feeling it gave me, just that gratifying feeling of being free. Talking with people on my level for once, and just having a different scenery everyday! I loved actually seeing the value of my work coming home on that pay slip. But then there was a feeling of loss..
Everyday I would return home to find my daughter waiting and she would always say the same thing, "I'm so glad you're here mommy!" She would squeeze me with a big hug and this would make me feel like utter poo because I wasn't home with her all day, like I had been prior.
I now was torn. I knew that what I had done for 3 years started to become monotonous and I lost that feeling of "self-worth". I knew in the back of my mind that I was doing the greatest job on earth! I was raising my child! But I still had this feeling looming over me, and it grew more and more until all I knew was monotony and regret. I felt like I was doing nothing now, because all of the challenges that once pushed me had become so easy. I could multitask a thousand things in the day and still wouldn't skip a beat or stress over it. My child was happy and fed. She was very well educated for her age and extremely respectful. So when I finally started work again, I felt empowered. I thought, "Man, I could do this and show my little girl that just cause you're a mom doesn't mean you can't do more." I wanted so badly to show her that I was a great example of not just relying on "daddy" for stability but that mommy could provide that for herself as well. In some ways I even think I lost the idea of what I wanted. I wasn't sure if she was the first thought in mind or if I was doing it for myself.
This is when that first feeling of being "selfish" came about. See I felt guilty because I knew, if/when "daddy" deployed again, that was already one parent not around for a long amount of time. Now if I'm working, I'm already taking time away from the parent that has ALWAYS been there. It would be wrong of me to work. That would deny her at least stability from one end. Then I would think : But there are single mom's out there who work and their kids come out just fine. But I'm not a single mom. ONLY technically by certain standards -during deployments- so I can' t use that as an excuse.
But then I think: There are military spouses that work and have wonderful careers, why can't I?!
Well its not that I can't... I just don't know why I feel so guilty doing it! Is it that overwhelming feeling of being "selfish" or is it my guilt of not loving my job of just being a mom enough to satisfy my need for "self-worth"? Besides, even if I was to have a job.... How hard is it to find a job that lets me take an extended absence for 6 months to a year? A lot of companies, no matter how much they support the military, really can't afford the inconvenience it carries on them. They have to find a person to replace you in that while, and still hope to have a position available for you when you return. That alone makes me feel guilty for even having to ask a person to go through all that for me, just so I can have a job.
All in all, I guess its what works best for you and what you're willing to go through for it.
